Briefs...:::

STAR-CROSSED- According to CNN, Thailand's Prime Minister's horoscope has indicated that Mercury will be causing some havoc for him over the next few months? So of course he did what anyone normal person would do and announced that he would avoid any press conferences at all until next year. Read More>>

FLYING HIGH - BBC News reports on a French woman who, drunk on a flight to Australia, tried to open the plane door in mid-air in order to 'have a cigarette.' The French really think they can smoke anywhere. Read More>>

Double-Wide Redux

Many of you know my disdain for the dual-child strollers that I refer to as 'double-wides.' I take issue with the fact that a. people's lack of spacing between the ages of their children should affect everyone around them, b. one of the children is usually old enough to walk and c. do the children really have to sit side-by-side? Seeing these monstrosities in the suburbs is bad enough. But when you live in the middle of a city like Washington, you realize that space is a luxury, and these contraptions take up more than any two people should be allowed.

My latest run-in with the double-wide came at my friendly neighborhood Starbucks. I stopped on the way back to work from lunch this afternoon for a quick double-espresso. There in front of me was an urban mom who had the gigantic stroller in front of her. What was really appalling is that there was one child in the stroller that looked to be about two years old. After ordering, she tried to wheel the stroller over to the area where the drinks are placed on the bar. You can imagine her frustration when she realized that no matter how many times she shoved and pushed, the shelves and racks that were placed in her way would not budge. Visibly annoyed, she removed the child (now almost in college) from the stroller and went around the other side of the shelves to settle him comfortably into a chair.

At this point I had order and also wanted to slide down the bar and wait for my drink. However, the doublewide was left blocking anyone from passing. Apparently Mrs. I-moved-into-the-city-from-Herndon-because-I-want-to-feel-the-urban-vibe, had failed to notice that there was anyone else in the Starbucks except for her.

Disgusted, I grabbed the stroller, wheeled it around and shoved it backwards. I stepped forward towards my espresso just as she came back around. "Your stroller is blocking the way. Nobody can get through!" I exclaimed. She looked at me puzzled and then continued to get her hot cocoa. Either she didn't care or didn't understand. My guess is that it was the former, although I have hope that I am wrong.

I wonder if she thought of this as she loaded her child and the double-wide into what was likely a large SUV (Escalade, Navigator, fill in the blank) and made her way the long mile up the street to her Kalorama house. I can only hope that I helped her realize that she needed to co-exist with other people.

More likely she was thinking about Starbucks' lack of courtesy in not allowing for double-wide strollers to pass unhindered through their stores. She probably thanked god as she pulled off that she only had one child, and not two, otherwise she would have to get a triple wide for the two children and her purse and possibly (gulp) move back to Herndon.

An Unfortunate Auction

Found on eBay is this most amusing auction item. I have to hope that the seller can unload these on someone. But I also have to applaud his writing skills. The listing speaks volumes about his dating life, but also makes one think about their own dating faux pas and the lengths we've gone to get someone into bed.

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DKNY Men's Leather Pants I Unfortunately Own
Stylish. Expensive. Very much a bad purchase for me.

You are bidding on a mistake.

We all make mistakes. We date the wrong people for too long. We chew gum with our mouths open. We say inappropriate things in front of grandma.

And we buy leather pants.

I can explain these pants and why they are in my possession. I bought them many, many years ago under the spell of a woman whom I believed to have taste. She suggested I try them on. I did. She said they looked good. I wanted to have a relationship of sorts with her. I’m stupid and prone to impulsive decisions. I bought the pants.

The relationship, probably for better, never materialized. The girl, whose name I can’t even recall, is a distant memory. I think she was short.

Ultimately the pants were placed in the closet where they have remained, unworn, for nearly a decade. I would like to emphasize that: Aside from trying these pants on, they have never, ever been worn. In public or private.

I have not worn these leather pants for the following reasons:

I am not a member of Queen.
I do not like motorcycles.
I am not Rod Stewart.
I am not French.
I do not cruise for transvestites in an expensive sports car.

These were not cheap leather pants. They are Donna Karan leather pants. They’re for men. Brave men, I would think. Perhaps tattooed, pierced men. In fact, I’ll go so far as to say you either have to be very tough, very gay, or very famous to wear these pants and get away with it.

Again, they’re men’s pants, but they’d probably look great on the right lady. Ladies can get away with leather pants much more often than men can. It’s a sad fact that men who own leather pants will have to come to terms with.

They are size 34x34. I am no longer size 34x34, so even were I to suddenly decide I was a famous gay biker I would not be able to wear these pants. These pants are destined for someone else. For reasons unknown - perhaps to keep my options open, in case I wanted to become a pirate - I have shuffled these unworn pants from house to house, closet to closet. Alas, it is now time to part ways so that I may use the extra room for any rhinestone-studded jeans I may purchase in the future.

These pants are in excellent condition. They were never taken on pirate expeditions. They weren’t worn onstage. They didn’t straddle a Harley, or a guy named Harley. They just hung there, sad and ignored, for a few presidencies.

Someone, somewhere, will look great in these pants. I’m hoping that someone is you, or that you can be suckered into buying them by a girl you’re trying to bed.

Please buy these leather pants.

Briefs...:::

The Dalai Lama visited the Capital city yesterday and discussed the puzzling idea that residents of the city are the only residents of any seat of government that have no representation.

"...If there are sufficient reasons, we have to think more carefully, but if there is no reason, then shout."

The Tibetan leader made several stops in the District, including a visit to a local public school where he engaged students in a conversation about being unrepresented in their government.

Read More>>

The Very Odd Coincidence

Once in a while fate steps into your life and leaves you going , 'huh...' or even 'WHOA!' I had such a brush with her recently that is too ironic not to share.

On a recent weekend I had been planning to a trip to New York. I was feeling a little homesick for the city I love the most and decided some culture/shopping/eating time was necessary. (Pause: I know those of you out there will comment that I am again 'hating on DC' because it's not my favorite city in the world. Suffice it to say that the Capital City and I have a love hate relationship eerily similar to the one that I have with my iPod. Sensing a pattern here?)

One thing that I should make clear is that when I travel, I prefer not to pay full price where possible. Priceline is my friend and I've used it obsessively. Normally I can score a three or four star hotel in New York for under $150 a night. Not this weekend. Discount rates at hotels in New York were sky high and nothing was available on Priceline under $250.

After much digging I found a hotel that was in my price range. The Hotel Carter's web site indicated that it at Time Square and was a one-star hotel. I considered my options. I never spend much time in my room in New York anyhow. As long as it had a comfortable bed and was clean, I could probably deal with the loss of two stars. One thing you'll find a plethora of on the internet, is sites that allow you to learn everything you need to know about hotels. After much digging I found mixed reviews on this hotel. Some said "What do you want for the price? Our stay was great." Others said, "Avoid this place at all costs." I decided to book the room and continue my research, knowing that I had until Thursday morning to cancel without being charged.

The next day I found more reviews. This time they weren't so mixed and they included multiple pictures from different guests of the hotel. The pictures were frightening: Mouse holes in the mattresses, Plastic bags over broken windows, Layers of grime and hair in the tubs. Users reported bums in the hallway and more than one said that the place was a fire trap. Yes, I would definitely need to cancel my reservation. Finally I decided to cancel my trip.

Friday morning I awoke and logged on to my computer for my morning dose of email and news. As my internet browser was launching, a cold feeling seized me. I had forgotten to cancel my reservation! I would be charged the full amount for the room. Just as this thought was rushing through my mind, Yahoo appeared on my screen and one headline jumped out at me, "Fire evacuates Times Square Hotel." Could it be? I clicked on the link and read the story eagerly. The details came quick: Fire in a 700 room hotel, all guests evacuated in the middle of the night, and finally the name: The Hotel Carter. A strange sense of irony filled me. Could this be for real?

Thirty minutes later i was on the phone with a woman from the hotel (reported in almost every review to be rude and uncaring.) "Yes, I'd like to cancel my reservation for Saturday please" I said, hoping against hope for an answer I liked. "Your name please?" I gave her my name and reservation number and waited for the verdict. The answer came, "Ok, you cancelled. No charge. Thank you!" I was stunned. Had this really just happened to me? What if I had not heard about the fire? What if I had gone to New York and the hotel had been closed. Or worse, what if I had gone and there had been a fire?

Sometimes fate is a bitch. More often than not I feel her laughing cruelly at me. But just this once, she seemed to be on my side.

An Affair to Remember

I've finally come to terms with the fact that, in the relationship with my iPod, we just come from different worlds.

The wreck of the day in this continuing love affair is the appearance this morning of the 'sad iPod' on my display. If you haven't seen the sad iPod yet, consider yourself lucky. It is kin to its precursor, the sad Mac. It is an iPod with x's for eyes and a frown. I think the visceral response that it evokes in me harkens back to my childhood when Mr. Yuck stared at me from every corner of the room with his green face and menacing tongue.

I have always been a bit leery of all things Apple. I come from the PC world. The world of clunky unattractive boxes. But it's a familiar place to me. However, I have also harbored a deep envy of the sleek, sexy design of Apple products. So when I embraced the iPod movement last year, I fell deeply in love. When my first iPod was stolen this year, I was inconsolable for days. A dark cloud hung over my life. I felt as though I had lost a loved one. I quickly forgot the bad memories, such as the days that it refused to listen to me. The days that it refused to mount my laptop or rise to the occasion at all with the battery dying after little use.

When I purchased my next iPod, the relationship was back on. However, the affair only lasted a month before the device started being temperamental. After a week of trying all the cajoling and tampering I could muster, it was sent back to Apple and promptly replaced in 2 days. That was a week ago. And then today, the sad iPod appeared.

One piece of criticism that has always been consistent about Windows and PC’s is that the error messages that they give you are cryptic and unintelligible, that they leave you scratching your head. However, I can say that, at the very least, the error message that you are given has some technical reference. If you are a savvy user or a technician, you can use this message to find the root of the problem. The only thing that I know about my iPod this morning is that it is sad. I have no clue why. Does it need therapy? Why won’t it open up to me?

What is it about these funny little pieces of machinery that keeps us coming back over and over and subjecting ourselves to the abuse? I have to consider whether the give and take is more give or take. I can say this. When the relationship is good, it’s great. But when it’s bad, it’s really bad. And something deep inside of me tells me that the love affair between my iPod and me is coming to a point of no return.

Emily Post-modern

As I checked my rsvp's on Evite today for an upcoming event that I'm hosting, It occurred to me that there is a large group of people out there that don't understand the inner-workings of this new-millennium social tool.

Yes, from the looks of my guest list on this event and the past, many people don't realize that you can actually see when a guest viewed the invitation. I stare at the list of "Not Yet Responded" in puzzlement. Thomas viewed it. Abby-Taylor viewed it. That was a week ago. Are they weighing their options? What about the fact that I am holding an event doesn't immediately say "Hit the yes button quick before he changes his mind" to people?

As I logged on to Evite, I noticed on My Evite page two events above mine that friends are holding. "Going away party for Karen-13 new rsvp's" "Birthday party for Carl-55 New RSVP's!" (Note to self-you are DEFINITELY going to that party)I have to admit, I'm left feeling a bit dejected about my social status.

I wonder to myself if I should inform these people that "I KNOW YOU LOOKED AT MY INVITE AND HAVEN'T RESPONDED!" Is it my duty to ensure that they are made aware of social obligations for the sake of others? No. I think I'll just keep that to myself and continue to watch from my hiding place.