Minority Retort

I've posed this question before: How is it that, in the District of Columbia, you can be robbed in broad daylight with no police assistance, yet if parking illegally, a ticket will magically appear within seconds?

Yesterday afternoon, I was parked on Constitution Avenue while viewing the World War II memorial. The signs restricted parking after 4 o'clock, so I booked back to my car, only to find a tow-truck towing the car behind me, and a ticket on my windshield indicating that towing had been requested. Imagine my surprise when I also saw that the District was going to make 100$ off my indiscretion.

If you've ever seen the movie, Minority Report, you know the lengths to which the District went to prevent murders after many years of violence. I'm beginning to believe that, in reality, the City decided that this technology would be better served by increasing parking revenue.

Imagine a large room somewhere in the middle of downtown DC. Three lifeless bodies lay in a pool. A technician sits above, monitoring the pre-cogs, as they are called. Suddenly, a ball rolls out of a machine, a bell dings, and with a lurch and a gasp, one of the pre-cogs sits straight up and screeches, "Illegal!" The technician turns the ball over to reveal my license plate number. The scene changes quickly and suddenly helicopters are swooping down the mall and dropping figures clad in black. A flash of pen, a rustle of paper and they ascend back into the sky just as I round the corner, running down the street to find the freshly printed ticket on my windshield.

As unrealistic as this scenario may sound, I believe it is the only explanation for how a city government that can't stop violent crimes from happening on nearly every street corner can possibly know the location of any car at any given moment during the day.