The Name Game

Last night my friend Karen recounted her most recent breakup to me over a glass of wine at Washington's newest hipSpot, Busboys and Poets. I knew most of what had occurred, and the breakup wasn't particularly recent, but this was the first time she had really been able to talk about it calmly.

She related to me how he had told her she was the one for him, how much he loved her and even mentioned marriage. This is a tactic most women have probably experienced. Suddenly, one day he broke up with her and less than a year later was married to a girl that had been his best friend for sometime. It seems that Mr. Wrong was waiting for her to become available and biding his time with Karen.

As Karen told me about meeting him as he was ending his previous marriage, a realization came to me. "Karen", I said. "You realize, you were a rebound. Not only that. You were also a prebound." "Prebound?" She looked at me inquisitively. I explained to her that not only had Mr. Really Wrong used her as a rebound to help him get over his marriage. He had also used her as a prebound to bide time until his ideal relationship became available.

"You're right." She said. "He used me as a proving ground. He wanted to prove to his ex-wife that he could have a relationship. But he also wanted to prove to the girl he wanted that he was capable of one. Bastard." I nodded, "Yep. Prebound."


Karen's experience isn't unique. Countless women out there can likely recount similar stories of men using them as a springboard from one relationship to another. But for my friend, just naming it seemed to have relieved a bit of anxiety. Sometimes you just need to name something in order to get past it.